Story of a Failed Mind Control Subject

[ExposedSecrets]

Yes. During the time I was with Bill and Ava, they moved for a while around the country to try to escape my grandparents getting my brother and I. While this was happening, there were several churches in a few different places we lived that also had hidden back rooms that were used. I would venture to say 3, though the memories of that are not clear. Every one of the rituals, through the different places we lived, were conducted within sight of churches. I do not know if all of the churches were Baptist or not.

I know that one was only because of later Newspaper articles that stated they were members of a Baptist church. We went to the same church on Sundays for years, that the rituals were performed in.

The only state I recall living in, in which there were no rituals, was Oregon. He was a lumberjack in Oregon for a time during the "on the run" phase.

[PullMyFinger]

Thank you.I know,beyond a doubt,how hard that was.I needed to know that I am not crazy,that other girls went through these things and get dismissed as "crazy".We are not.Our relationships with God even paralell directly.My issue has always been-why does He allow this to happen to children and then allow them to be haunted by it.I am older than you are and still waiting and still suffering some things.I've got more hope now though because of you .

[ExposedSecrets]

You're welcome. It was definitely difficult to write, and frightening to post. But knowing that it has helped someone feel less alone in these experiences makes it worth it.

Thank you for letting me know it was helpful to you.

I'm certain it was also difficult to read, and I hope that you find healing and comfort from anything it may have dredged up for you.

[PullMyFinger]

I'll be fine and if I'm not,I'll revert to my screen name

[ExposedSecrets]

Here's some therapy for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXXm696UbKY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yE6PNps5N9I

[PullMyFinger]

 :DTY.I love laughing babies- so much sweetness.

[ExposedSecrets]

Someone messaged me. I messaged her back, but she has not responded. I thought I might mention here that I have replied, in case she simply didn't notice the "new message" notification.

I will not say her name, since she messaged me (which indicates a desire to be private).

[Geolibertarian]

I suspect that most people absolutely won't believe me.

If anyone is tempted to reflexively dismiss as impossible the horrific abuses detailed by ExposedSecrets, before doing so, I challenge you to obtain and read the following two books (both images clickable):





Or, if you prefer to watch something rather than read, try the following:

       http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3345008237622976440 (Part 1 of 2)
       http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4446560178588456167 (Part 2 of 2)

Note: although the above video presentation is obviously done from a Christian perspective, it nevertheless reveals just how real the subject matter of this thread is.

[ExposedSecrets]

I don't remember (and to be honest, don't want to read through to find out) if I mentioned why I was "failed" as a mind control subject. It is because my memory is too good. I would not disassociate, and I remember everything that happened to me. The exorcisms, the "nobody will ever believe you," and that kind of thing was used to try to force me to silence (and it has worked for the majority of my life).

I don't know why they didn't kill me outright. It's something that I have pondered for much of my life, so it's not a question I can answer. Why didn't they kill me to silence me? Why didn't they give me the means to kill myself easily (I certainly would have)?

I don't know the answers to these questions.

[amazon]

Thank you for your disturbing, yet moving testimony.

I remember your surprise at the original lack of response to your posts.
I did not reply at first, as I could not read this all in one sitting.

There is only so much horror that I can absorb
before my emotions shut down.
I did not want to shut you out.
Instead, I searched for you today and finished reading your story.

I remain a witness to your suffering
and a witness to your amazing endurance.

I am so sorry for all that has happened to you.
So much cruelty and injustice !

[ExposedSecrets]

Thank you, amazon.

It is my hope that as the light shines upon these subjects, and more of us to whom this was done speak out, perhaps more help will become available for us.

Perhaps it's too much to hope for it to end, but at least we can hope that awareness will make it that much harder for them to operate and get away with it.

[PullMyFinger]

I don't remember (and to be honest, don't want to read through to find out) if I mentioned why I was "failed" as a mind control subject. It is because my memory is too good. I would not disassociate, and I remember everything that happened to me. The exorcisms, the "nobody will ever believe you," and that kind of thing was used to try to force me to silence (and it has worked for the majority of my life).

I don't know why they didn't kill me outright. It's something that I have pondered for much of my life, so it's not a question I can answer. Why didn't they kill me to silence me? Why didn't they give me the means to kill myself easily (I certainly would have)?

I don't know the answers to these questions.

Just a pet theory of mine but I do believe the ass burgers saved your ass.See,I have cerebral palsy,certian portions of my brain are "frozen" in a sense,making the others sharper.I've been told I function mentally on the high end of autism(I am not autistic but certian things present that way)I think this is why I didn't end up disassociating.I do remember a shrink that I was dragged to at the age of 13 being very upset with me because,despite evidence of the trauma,I had more of a soul than other kids in my position at the time.
I don't know if that helps or not but really-ass burgers can be a PITA but in our cases maybe a blessing?

[ExposedSecrets]

Oh, I'm pretty certain that austism saved me from becoming programmed. I know that it stood in their way in every way-- but was also the source of the very things they most wanted to exploit and destroy.

Yet, I don't think that's the reason why they didn't outright kill me.

I think, and it's hard to say out loud, because it seems so stupidly far-fetched and even somewhat insane... I think they believed I couldn't BE killed. There were times that they choked me to death that I just returned to my body without resuscitation. I think because of this, they thought that I could not be killed at all. There were times that I thought this, too, when I tried to kill myself and failed.

Yet I know how absurd the idea is, obviously. And I'm certain that a big part of me even entertaining the idea at all is the failed suicides, the nightmares, and my overwhelming fear of living an exceptionally long life. Too much fear around it makes it seems almost plausible.

Which is not to say that I believe it, I don't really. It's more like a fear that I can't let go of. Yes, it's an insane fear, and I do know that.