Leaked Draft copy of Obama's planned speech to America's public school children

[sharpsteve]

Leaked Draft copy of Obama's planned speech to America's public school children
http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/opinion/columns/Obama-will-urge-kids-to-go-to-private-school-8193824-56976522.html

Scott Ott's Examiner Scrappleface: Obama will urge kids to go to private school
By: Scott Ott
Examiner Columnist
September 4, 2009

News fairly unbalanced. We report. You decipher.

A draft copy of President Barack Obama's planned September 8 address to America's public school children, tells students that "If you want to grow up to be like me, you should beg your parents to put you in private school, right now."

Although Obama attended public school in Indonesia early in life, he soon switched to a private Catholic school, and from fifth grade through graduation went to a private college-prep school in Hawaii. His own daughters now attend a private school in Washington D.C..

"Do you think you're going to get into Harvard University with your one-size-fits-all public school diploma?" the president will reportedly say. "Come on! Don't make me laugh. You'll be lucky to survive through graduation. Seriously, you gotta get out of this mediocrity machine. Go ahead! Get up right now. Run for the door. What are you waiting for?"

While the White House would not confirm the content of the leaked speech draft, a spokesman acknowledged that "You don't get to be as smart and cool as Barack Obama by sitting in P.S. 152, listening to some union lackey droning on, and then eating government surplus in the cafeteria."

On Tuesday, the president will bypass parents, taking his message directly to kids in the classroom "in hopes that you'll pester Mom until she gets a second job to pay private-school tuition so you can escape the swirling vortex of ignorance and despair that is our government-run school system."

"The only thing standing between you and success," the president will allegedly say, "is the mentality that the government will take care of you. Once you shake that, there's no limit to your achievement. Pay any price. Bear any burden. Just get your fanny out of that fiberglass chair, go buy yourself an Oxford shirt, a pair of slacks and a clip-on tie, and go to a place that faces constant economic pressure to improve."

Examiner columnist Scott Ott is editor in chief of ScrappleFace.com, the world's leading family-friendly news satire source.

[sociostudent]

I want to homeschool. That way I don't have to leave my house, much less "take a second job" to make sure my child is taught what is necessary and isn't subjected to "eating government surplus in the cafeteria".

[Dok]

is that an onion article?

[sharpsteve]

I want to homeschool. That way I don't have to leave my house, much less "take a second job" to make sure my child is taught what is necessary and isn't subjected to "eating government surplus in the cafeteria".

I agree. You won't need a second job if you homeschool because that will be your first job.

[Cywar]

Don't let your kids grow into teenagers before you decide to take the home school plunge.  We are doing it now - but it sure would have been easier if I had started earlier.

[g1rlg0ne]

Here's another. HA!

http://trueslant.com/lewisgrossberger/2009/09/04/leaked-text-of-obama-speech-to-schoolchildren-shows-parents-right-to-worry/

Leaked text of Obama speech to schoolchildren shows parents right to worry

Image via Wikipedia
Hi, kids. My name is Barack Obama and I’m the President of the United States. I’m sure you all know what that means. It means you have to do whatever I tell you because if you don’t, I can take away your mommy and daddy and you’ll never see them again.

So listen real carefully, OK?

I know a lot of you haven’t been paying much attention to the argument we grown-ups are having about health-care reform. That’s all right. It’s really complicated stuff. Most of your parents have no idea what it’s all about either.

All you really need to remember is this: When you get home from school today, tell your mom and dad, “Mom and dad, you’ve got to write your Congressman and senators in support of the President’s health-care reform.”

Can you remember that? I’ll say it again, real slow. Mom and dad, you’ve got to write your Congressman and senators in support of the President’s health-care reform.

OK, now you all say it.

Great! That was really good. You are a great bunch of kids and I’m proud of you.

Now after you get home and tell mom and dad to write, I want you to let a little time go by and then ask them whether they’ve done it yet.

And if they say no, I want you to cry. Really, really loud. And kind of bang your head against the wall. And keep doing it until they promise to sit down and write their Congressman and senators. Hey, it’ll be fun! It’s not real crying and banging, just play crying and banging but mommy and daddy won’t know that. That’s a little secret between you and me.

Now everyone who does this and gets their folks to contact their representatives will get to do something amazingly awesome.  You see, kids, I’m starting a really cool club for you to join. It’s called Barack’s Socialist Funhouse and there’s going to be one in every town and city in America.

This club is just for kids. No grownups allowed! It’s gonna be so great.  There’ll be ice cream and soda and videogames and toys and movies and music. And for you older kids, a lot of hooking up. Plus you’ll hear all about a couple of super guys named Marx and Lenin.  They were what’s called revolutionaries, which is kind of like being a rapper or a vampire, except it’s even cooler.

But all that’s going to be happening in a couple of months. So for now, just remember, “Mom and Dad, write your Congressmen and senators in support of the President’s health-care reform.”

Thank you for listening, kids. I know I can count on you.